What if you suspect or know that someone has an eating disorder? Should you say something? What would you say? Should you talk to the person who has the problem or someone else?

The most important thing to remember is that bringing up the subject of an eating disorder with a person who is suffering from one can be a tremendous help. It plants the seed about your concern for what she/he is doing and brings her/his focus to the issue. Even though it may be difficult, saying something is better than ignoring a dangerous and painful behavior.

Eating disorders can be life threatening

Eating disorders can be life threatening. If you suspect the person is in any kind of medical danger (fainting, weak, suicidal), do not hesitate to get them help immediately. Call her/his physician or take her/him to the emergency room for assessment.

If you are a parent, arrange for medical and psychological care for your child immediately. You may not know how serious an eating disorder is, but an initial consultation will help sort out if your child is suffering from an eating disorder and determine what’s really going on.

If you are a young person concerned about your friend or sibling, it is important to tell a trusted adult as soon as possible. You may want to speak to your friend or sibling privately first, but it is essential that you contact a parent, teacher, coach, nurse, school counselor, or other trusted adult about your concern. Since you may not know how serious the problem is, don’t wait. Though your friend may be upset with you now, this will be likely to change when he or she begins to recover from the eating disorder.

Consider these ideas before speaking to the person you are concerned about:

  1. Who would be the best person to do the talking? Parents can decide who would be the best person to speak with their child. If you are not close to this person but are worried, there may be a teacher, school counselor, nurse, other relative, or mutual friend that could help talk to the person about it.
  1. Find a time to talk with the individual when you are calm and will not be interrupted. The more you are able to stay composed and centered, the more this may help your friend understand that you truly care and are worried about his or her health. Be as supportive and kind as you can, but be clear in your concern.
  1. Write down what you might say ahead of time. You don’t have to follow it perfectly, but it helps you to focus and stay on track. Talking directly about your feelings and what you have been noticing is helpful. Something simple like “I have been worried about you because…”, can get the conversation started.
  1. What is your intent in talking to them? Be realistic. Sometimes just bringing the issue up helps them to admit they want guidance. Do you need to talk about how the eating disorder is affecting your relationship with them? Do you want the person to get help from a doctor or another professional? Offer to help find solutions.
  1. Support the person in any way you can. Perhaps the person needs information about the impact of eating disorders, or about places they can get help. Listen to them and check back with them to be sure they are on track to getting help.

*Adapted from National Eating Disorders Association, 2002, www.NationalEatingDisorders.com